BLOG #10: From The Thoughts of My Dear Friend, Alethia -- "YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN THAT!"

***While I will very rarely post the words of someone else on my blog, I felt that this was worth reading! My long time friend, Alethia Johnson, posted a very powerful note on Facebook, and I feel that so many WOMEN (and men) need to read this. So with her permission, she agreed to let me share her thoughts with you. Enjoy.***

"I was riding in the car with my sister on Sunday and we got on the subject of dating. One thing she and I both agreed on is that a lot of women compromise to be with a man. Webster defines compromise as to make a deal where someone gives up part of, or all of its demands. Another definition I found says to put in jeopardy. Some synonyms are cop out, discredit, dishonor, embarrass, endanger, give in, ruin, sell out and weaken. Compromise can be something positive or something negative. Right now, I’m focusing on the negative part.

As I read and study the word of God I read about different stories about compromise. One in particularly is where Esau sells his birthright for some food. He comprised a lot all for some red stew. Was it really worth it? Jacob his brother knew the worth of his birthright and tricked him into giving it up. That is what is going on in the world today. A lot of men know the worth of us ladies, but the sad part is we don’t know our own worth.

I’m sure a lot of us have often quoted Proverbs 31 (The VIRTUOUS WOMAN). We know it backwards and forwards but, are we really living that? I see so many women willing to give up sooo much just to be with a man. I have heard things like a piece of a man is better than no man at all. That is so not true. Ladies we do not have to settle to have a man. We should have some standards and demands when it comes to dating. If that is truly the man that God has for you then you won’t have to settle or compromise. We compromise what we believe in and a whole lot more.

Don’t put your life in jeopardy. If you say you are not having sex until you are married then mean that. Don’t let anybody tell you that will never happen or there is no man out there who is willing to wait until you are married. If a man tells you that PLEASE RUN!!!!! Ok, I will put myself on blast. I am celibate. I have made up in my mind, heart and soul that I am not having sex until I am married. I will not allow men to talk to me any kind of way. I don’t use profanity and neither will the person I am with. He will respect me but more so the God in me. I have stopped talking to so many guys because they wanted me to compromise. I dare not do it. I have had a guy to even tell me you want somebody who is perfect and you will never find him. No, I am not looking for a perfect man just the perfect one for me.

A lot of the times when we compromise on the things we want we become upset and unhappy. I promise you if it really is the man for you, there is nothing you will have to compromise that goes against your beliefs. Women please set some standards and rules when it comes to dating. Why do you settle for a married man? What can he offer you? Not only that but you are making it hard on yourself. You are committing adultery. Please, a man is not worth that. If a man is married LEAVE HIM ALONE!!!! Just because he does not respect the sanctity of his marriage does not mean you can’t. Be the bigger person. If a man lays hands on you to cause you bodily harm then PLEASE let him go. No man should ever lay hands on you to cause you any harm. His threats are nothing. There is too much domestic violence going in the world and you don’t have to be a part of it.

If you can’t do it alone seek help. Don’t let a man talk down to you. You are beautiful; you are fearfully and wonderfully made by God. If he can’t pray and praise God with you then let him go. If a man does not love God then he will never be able to love you how you should be loved. Ok, again I will put myself out there. When I was younger I would be embarrassed to praise God around a guy I was dating. Now that I look back on it, I was compromising. That was dumb on my part. Now, if you can’t pray with me, praise God with/for me or we can’t study the word of God together then….Next!!!! That’s just me.

I love the Lord with all my heart and soul. One of the most intimate things you can do with your mate is pray. When you pray you undress your soul before God. Ladies, I admonish you to please re-evaluate the relationships you are in. If you are in it for the wrong reasons please let it go. If you are with someone just to say you have a man it’s not worth it. If you have compromised things to be with the man you are with, let it go. If you say you are in a relationship but he only calls you “friend” let it go. If he is not challenging you to be better, let it go.

When a man finds a good thing he knows it. He knows what you are worth but do you? It is time for us to stop quoting proverbs 31 and start to live it. Put God first then everything else will line up. Make him the head of your life. Think about this, when you have a headache it makes it hard to do something’s. If the head is not right then nothing else will be right. Make God the head. Stop trying to go after a man and let him come after you. You don’t need a man to make it in the world. You don’t need a man to pay your bills, wash your car, buy you groceries, take you shopping, or take you on vacations. God gave you two feet and two hands. Put them to work. Get those things for yourself. When a man is looking for a wife he is looking for a “HELP”-mate not a “NEEDY”-mate. It’s time to raise the standards. Stand for whatever you believe in and don’t compromise. You are worth more than that!!!!!!!" -Alethia J.

I hope that this message touched you,

as it did me. God bless!

~JUST JEMIA :o)

BLOG #9: GOODBYE 2009...

Where did the year go? Is it really the LAST DAY of 2009? Wow... Has 2009 been a good year for you? Or has it been a year that was full of pain, frustration and unwanted changes?

I can sincerely say that it's been an interesting year for me in many areas of life. Disappointments, excitement, sadness, loss, positive gains, love, etc. But overall, 2009 was the year of "enlightenment" for myself. A year that brought about acknowledgement of my very own downfalls and drawbacks... Things that I no longer need to rest on, but things that I need to change in order to excel, succeed and become prosperous in the new year.

So many of us out there are so quick to blame and point fingers at EVERYONE else around you for the predicaments in your life. I am charging you to take some time to reflect on your past, your actions and anything in your life that may be an enabler. Take the time to get to know the things in your life that are keeping you from being your best. Is it really someone else's fault or your own?

In 2009 and my 27th year, I made it my responsibility to seek out and understand the choices that I've made in my life. Choices that may be the cause of not being where I know I SHOULD BE at this point in my life. I am where I am... BECAUSE OF JEMIA. No one else. How many of you can honestly look at yourself in the mirror and admit this to yourself? Sometimes our PRIDES, EGOS, & ATTITUDES prevent us from "keepin' it real" and allowing ourselves to see that the FIRST STEP to change, is the admission of one's own faults.

Reflecting on the last year, things went pretty smoothly overall. But in order for me to reach my full potential, the time taken to discover my hindrances from years passed, will make way for 2010 to be a truly unbelievable and SUCCESSFUL year!

What will you do to make 2010 a wonderful and memorable year for you? Or will you continue to let the same problems hold you down, the same negative attitude keep you from your blessings, or the same cynical people keep you on their miserable level? It's up to you... you decide...

With GOD, the love of my life, my family and true friends all by my side, this year has been forecasted to be one of my best! First things first... YOU CAN ONLY MAKE YOU HAPPY... Don't sit around worried about what everyone else has to say about YOUR LIFE. Their happiness does not depend on you, nor does yours depend on them. My personal motto for 2010 is "HAPPINESS is a CHOICE that REQUIRES EFFORT"

In 2010 and my 28th year, I am in the pursuit of LIVING LIFE TO THE FULLEST! I have to take pride in my own life before I can expect the people closest to me to be proud of their daughter, sister, girlfriend, cousin, niece, best friend, auntie, etc... While we're so busy trying to "check" other people about their short comings... sometimes in life you have to know when to sit back and "CHECK YOURSELF..."

While this may be the "Year of the Tiger" for the Chinese, I am proclaiming this year to be the "Year of Unbreakable Love and Success!" :)

I'm looking forward to attending my church's anointing service with my family and sweetie, then I'm off to celebrate with friends! I am especially looking forward to my love's "traditional" New Year's kiss! *muah!* (I can't believe this is our 3rd New Year's together!!)

I'm wishing each of you a blessed, prosperous, exciting, happy and delightful new year!

See you all on the other side... 2010 that is...!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

~JUST JEMIA :0)

***This post is dedicated to my "other mother" Earline P. Davis (March 4, 1949 - January 28, 2009) You may be gone, but you'll NEVER be FORGOTTEN. Love you mama!***

BLOG #8: AGING GRACEFULLY :)

***So, I CAN'T BELIEVE it's been 18 days since I last blogged... The holidays have kept me SO BUSY and my Christmas in ATL was GREAT! How was your Christmas holiday?!***

Well, this morning I woke up to a NEW age! Yep, today is my birthday and at 7:37 this morning, I am OFFICIALLY 28 YEARS OLD! Wow. Am I really 2 years from 30?! I can truly say that I am blessed and happy to see another year with my family, friends and of course the love of my life! I am looking forward to my dinner tonight, with family and friends, and then who knows what will happen after that!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!

I guess in this post, I wanted to focus on AGE. What is AGE? Age is the length of time that a person has lived. Does your age define you, or is it "just a number?"

Honestly, while I may only be 28 years old today, I truly believe that your AGE is determined by your mind set and your outlook on life. In other words, "YOU ARE AS OLD AS YOU FEEL AND THINK..."

Have you ever met someone who looked 45, but was only 30 years old? Or a 70 year old that looked 50? The 30 year old has probably allowed the stresses of life to take over him and cause him mental and physical anguish. While the 70 year old may be healthy, active, positive and full of charisma! Aging is more of a mental state of mind than physical, in my opinion.

So don't allow worries, the negative things in life and hardships to wear you down. Push through those times and continue to keep an upbeat mentality. And those that are pessimistic, unenthusiastic about life or has a defeatist attitude, don't be surprised when you don't have people gloating over "how well you have aged!"

A healthy lifestyle and a positive disposition are the key factors to AGING GRACEFULLY... :)

Now more than ever you are as young as you feel. So stop acting your chronological age and enjoy life!

"Live your life and forget your age."

~JUST JEMIA :0) "The Birthday Girl!"

BLOG #7: My PRINCESS Is FINALLY Here!!!

I woke up early this morning with a smile on my face... I had the same feeling that most little kids have when they wake up on Christmas morning. Pure excitement and the anticipation of the coming events of the day!

Today is the day that Disney's "The Princess & The Frog" will premiere in movie theaters all across the country. While it has been some years since Disney released an animated movie, there is something TRULY special about this one!

"Seventy-two years after Snow White first emerged on the silver screen, Disney's exclusive pantheon of fairytale royals is about to get another member to delight little girls around the world. For the first time in Disney's history, the magic kingdom is crowning an African American princess!"

While this may seem like no large feat to most, to someone like myself who has spent countless hours watching Disney movies and growing up going to Disney World on a regular basis, this day is HUGE! I grew up knowing the stories about beautiful Princesses named, Snow White, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Princess Ariel (The Little Mermaid), Princess Belle (Beauty and the Beast), Princess Jasmine (Aladdin), Pocahontas & Mulan, but there was always one thing missing... a familiar face amongst the Disney Princesses that I could relate to...

Little "black" girls around the world NOW have a face they can look at and say, "Mommy, she looks like me!" What a great step for Disney to finally make this moment a reality! What a great addition to the Disney Princesses and another wonderful character for children, globally, to admire, no matter what "color" you may be!"

I am SO excited about seeing the movie tonight, and I hope that it's all that I have EVER dreamt of!

Welcome Princess Tiana!

~JUST JEMIA :o)

My first trip to Disney World, December 1985

Family pic (mom was taking the picture) at Disney World 1985

BLOG #6: Why Men Can't Find A Good Woman... Or Fail To Commit When They Do...

OK... So, day before yesterday, my boyfriend and I were driving back pretty late from ATL. As we were on I-20 W, we were listening to V-103's own Joyce Littel talking about love and relationships. She had a guest author on the air as well and they were talking about, "why is it that men cannot find a good woman to commit to?" Adrian and I were kind of intrigued and turned up the volume. I thought to myself, "Hmmm... you don't usually hear this from the man's point of view, so this is going to be interesting."

Various callers called in and you heard a plethora of reasonings behind this mystery. One young man stated that woman today are too "stuck up" and independent and that some men have a hard time being "equally yoked" with a woman today. He said that these women, although they have their own are "gold diggers" and immediately begin to question a man's employment, living situations, question the car they drive and if they are highly educated.

A woman called in and said that it's because men are indecisive and have too many options out there in the world. Women outnumber men and men have a hard time coming to the realization that they are committing to be with only ONE WOMAN. (God forbid! *gasp* LOL!)

And one other guy's point was that men have a difficult time meeting and committing to "Ms. Right" because there are too many women out there that want to play mind games. He claimed that women are not brazen enough and that women don't want a real man, they want a man that reads minds. He said that men get tired of it and that women should be more willing to tell a man what she wants mentally, physically & emotionally, instead of giving weak hints...

What do you think? Why are men having a hard time finding a good woman? And why are they NOT committing when they do?

In my opinion, this topic could go on for days! But I'll sum it up like this. WOMEN are the REASON men CAN'T find a GOOD WOMAN... In a world of instantaneousness, both men and women want things NOW. Whatever happened to patience? These days women are bending over backwards to make themselves "shine" versus the other women out there. No one is willing to wait anymore. A lot of women today have sex with a man within the first week of meeting him. They invite a stranger into their homes or go into a strangers home way too quickly and are eager to either cook, clean or make love to a man to try to win his favor. When are women going to realize that she and every other "Tonya, Denise & Jane" is making the same great attempt, effort and MISTAKE! Because of us, these men have WAY TOO MANY OPTIONS and none of us are standing out from the rest. For example, if you aren't available to cook, clean or make love to him, he can whip out his iPhone and find plan B, C & D that will take good care of him that night. Why should they commit?! They've got a "farm full of cows and they're getting the milk for FREE."

Men are more than likely to commit to the woman that is not desperately throwing herself at him, attempting to use him (shout out to my "gold diggers") and to the woman that is not doing what EVERY other woman is doing for him. Ladies, please realize that we all think our COOKING, our CLEANING and our "Vah-Jay-Jay" (Vagina)/SEX is way better than the NEXT CHICK. It just ain't so! Someone out there will always be able to "burn" in the kitchen better than you, is so organized and clean it's insane (shout out to my girl Tyya!) and please believe, it's someone doing mind blowing, toe curling "tricks" in the bedroom, you've never even heard of...

So, what's a girl to do? Be true to yourself. I'm almost willing to bet that a man can appreciate a woman more that is genuine, knows who she is, knows what she wants out of life, speaks very openly about her ideals and thoughts, is secure with who she is (and not worried about the next girl), knows how to laugh, have fun and it would help if you enjoyed the game of football, at least a little bit. LOL!

I can only speak from my experiences. And if I had to say what made my boyfriend commit to me, I would honestly say it was because I know how to kick back, laugh and enjoy the simpler things in life. I'm wasn't searching for an "ATM" or a man that was going to cater to my every need. I waited for a man that shared the same ideals as me, similar views on the future, has a great sense of humor and someone I can "battle" through the hard times with and still feel TRIUMPHANT in the midst of a storm.

So ladies, stop trying to overly nurture and pamper a man. If not you'll end up with a spoiled and lazy man that doesn't feel the need to participate in the growth of you all's relationship. More than likely, he'll just kick back and enjoy the ride. NO GOOD.

Men, humble yourselves. Stop wasting your time on "fly by nights..." You're letting some good women slip through your fingers all because you want to be "Prince Akeem" and "Sow your royal oats"... That's TV. This is reality. We're not getting any younger people. And one day, when you're up in age, your looks and "sexy" body will not be existent or important. It'll be all about companionship, knowing and trusting the person you spend the rest of your life with and LOVE.

Fellas, just don't get too complacent. Ladies, be true to yourself. Both need to learn how to take the time to hear each other out. And the mentality of "what can you do for me?" should not be a focal point in the process of learning about someone. In the technique of getting to know a GOOD MAN or WOMAN, everything NOT being about you, must come into play very early in the game.

GOOD PEOPLE find GOOD PEOPLE...

Where are my gentlemen? I want to hear your thoughts.

~JUST JEMIA :0)

"A good woman is proud. She respects herself and others. She is aware of who she is. She neither seeks definition from the person she is with, nor does she expect them to read her mind. She is quite capable of articulating her needs."

BLOG #5: Know Your Status... (WORLD AIDS DAY -- December 1st)

Do you know your status? Can you honestly say, you regularly have testing (at least 1 to 2 times a year) done for STDS, HIV & AIDS? As much as I would like to believe that people do take the time to have this testing done, there are SO MANY out there that are AFRAID to know the truth.

Across the world, December 1st is recognized as World AIDS Day & the month of December is AIDS Awareness month. Starting in 1988, World AIDS Day is about raising money, increasing awareness, fighting prejudice & improving education.

Many people are misinformed about who SHOULD and who SHOULD not worry about getting tested for HIV/AIDS.

Read the following questions:

1. Have you had unprotected sex without knowing for sure that your partner was not HIV infected?
2. Have you had unprotected sex with someone you know has HIV or AIDS?
3. Have you had a sexually transmitted disease like genital herpes or syphilis? Having sexually transmitted diseases makes it easier to get HIV?
4. Have you had unprotected sex with a man or woman who has had multiple sex partners?
5. Have you had unprotected sex with someone who uses injectable drugs or shares needles?
6. Have you had unprotected sex with a man who has had sex with another man?
7. Have you paid a man or woman to have sex with you?
8. Have you had unprotected vaginal, anal, or oral sex?

If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, you should make it your business to get tested. Be responsible and know your status.

Whether you've know someone with HIV/AIDS, have lost someone close to you from this illness, or maybe you have no emotional connection to the disease at all, EVERYONE must do their share. Know your status, give to the cause, and educate others on this very REAL disease. Proper education is the only way for people to understand, know the causes, prevent the spreading of this disease and lower the prejudices or fears people may have about AIDS.

EDUCATE YOURSELF.

WHAT'S YOUR STATUS? DO YOU REALLY KNOW?

~JUST JEMIA :o)

This blog is dedicated to the people that I know(knew), know(knew) of, and/or love or have loved that are fighting or have fought this disease. Regardless of the lifestyle you've chosen or chose, I love you for being EXACTLY who you are, and blessing me in SO MANY ways. I LOVE YOU. GOD BLESS.

BLOG #4: Why Be The MAIN Woman, When You Should Be The ONLY Woman?

This is a question I constantly ask when I hear friends or associates knowingly and consciously accept the position of the "OTHER WOMAN..."

Ladies, I know it's tough out there and from our point of view, the pickings are slim. Where have all the good men gone?! But does that mean to throw our standards & morals to the wayside, and become the "sideline chick" to someone else's man? What's in the water here in 2009, going into 2010, that this kind of behavior is acceptable? HAVE WOMEN TRULY GOTTEN THIS DESPERATE?

These women's self-esteem, have gotten to an all time LOW, that they are willing to spend their time with a man that cannot & will not take them out in public on dates, will not treat them to the nicer things relationships have to offer, like meeting his family and friends. Why would anyone want that?!

I am slowly but surely starting to realize that so many women out there have given up on finding their OWN MAN, that they have become complacent enough to spend time with a man who is TAKEN.

I guess my first thought is KARMA & a DEATH WISH. I mean seriously?! Do you really want to risk getting choked, scratched, stabbed, cursed out or end up in court due to a disgruntled wife or girlfriend, because of a man that never loved you in the first place?!! And I will always be a believer in karma. If you're a "cheat" for the "cheater"... don't get mad when you "perfect" little world comes CRASHING DOWN when you find out that YOUR BOO has been getting it in with someone that's not you! Just a thought.

Now, I do know in some cases, men fail to inform women that they are committed to someone. So by the time the women realizes what's really going on, it's too late. Feelings have formed, intimacy has probably already come to fruition and there's an MAD WOMAN that feels extremely violated. Those are the men that are ALL ABOUT SELF. Whether they are married or in a relationship, they are only focused on SELF. Ditch his behind, try not to kill him and repent for messing with a married man (unknowingly).

In both scenarios, I try to explain to people that "WOMEN HAVE TOTAL CONTROL OF THERE LIVES..." They control, who they spend they're time with, who they choose to let in (literally), who they choose to fall in love with, who they choose to make babies with, who they choose to marry, etc. Women have to be conscious of their surroundings, focused on the kind of person they're loving, etc. So when things don't work out, even though you CHOSE to be the other woman... guess what??? You can ONLY BE MAD AT YOU.

The most pathetic thing in the world to see, is a lady that knew she wasn't someone's MAIN WOMAN, but kept pretending to herself that she was, get upset, freak out, go crazy & try to make the man miserable because things didn't workout how she thought it was going to.

Newsflash! That's what happens when you're NOT his #1.

Pick your face up off the floor, learn from your mistake and MOVE FORWARD.

If your "man" is not showcasing you to the world, makes excuses when you want to go out in public, starts avoiding your calls, texts or emails... you might want to investigate... you're probably not the ONLY ONE.

Be smart! Don't get distraught. I can't say it enough. BE PATIENT. The one that GOD made for you is OUT THERE. You shouldn't have to manipulate or force things to work in your favor. You will only end up with a broken heart and another "beat down" to your self-esteem because things didn't work out the way you visualized or tried to plan.

To my "OTHER WOMEN" out there. Get a backbone honey, stop trying to mess with what's not yours. We love our men, but we know that they are easily tempted. Just because a man "wants" you, doesn't mean that he really "WANTS" you. He just wants you right then... And if being a quick fix is cool with you... poor girl... (smh) In the end, he's going home... to his #1.

WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU WANT TO BE #2???

ijs.

~JUST JEMIA :o)