I'm blogging today about a topic that comes up in conversation all the time. This is not just geared towards dating relationships, it can also relate to friendships, marriages (good or bad standing), and so many other relationships or connections you can have with an individual. Some people use Facebook or Twitter as a means of entertainment, some use it as a place to vent and some people use it as a place to be open and honest about who they are. It just varies from person to person.
I'm keying in on dating relationships. Last week I was on Facebook and came across a status update from one of my guy friends that said, "Why do women get on here and try to make other women feel bad about their relationship status by posting everything that their man does for them???" I re-read it about 3 times and pondered on his question. Being someone that is generally open about the happiness that my relationship brings me via social networks, I was shocked by his point of view. And I had honestly never looked at my own posts in that light...
I continued to read other responses to his status update: "I'm not going to do that about my man, and have other females trying to push up on what's mine! Hell no! That's how mess gets started!" --- "Yep and you know it's fake cause if your man does something or buys you something, you must not be use to it if you gotta broadcast it all the time..." --- "They're just campaigning to get him taken. They'll be broadcasting his infidelities next. Bless their heart..."
*blank stare*
I was dismayed by the negativity oozing from the responses. Not all people are malicious or premeditated in their thoughts when posting things on FB or Twitter. Some people, like myself are just sharing what they want to about their life. With no intentions to hurt anyone. With that, I just had to respond and shed some light on MY intentions and the reasonings behind my posts. They are far from pessimistic.
My response: I was browsing FB from my phone... and this status made me pull my laptop back out and log on so I could type... A LOT...
As a woman who PROUDLY proclaims my love for my significant other on here, it has nothing to do with me being FAKE, BOASTFUL or intending to inflict HURT on anyone...
#1 If any woman feels bad about what I post about my relationship and what my significant other has purchased me... they might need to check themselves and their self-esteem. I haven't been in a relationship all of my life, and therefore know what it's like to watch my friends who were happily dating, engaged, married, etc. when I had NO ONE. I never took it personally. I just celebrated their happiness and knew that MY TIME WOULD COME.
#2 On the contrary, what I do post on here... whether it be about what he and I are doing together, what I gave him, or what he gave me is NOT posted with the intentions to make ANYONE FEEL BAD. I'm just celebrating my happiness and proclaiming it to the world. I'm entitled to do that. It's not everyday that you find THE ONE, or YOUR SOULMATE. SO... I'm seizing the moment and rejoicing in the love I have found. NOT TO BRAG. BUT TO CHERISH EVERY SECOND OF THIS MOMENT, I MAY NEVER GET AGAIN.
#3 Be careful as to perceive things so negatively. You'd be surprised how many single women express genuine HAPPINESS and JOY on here for my positive relationship. Telling me that they LOVE to see the posts and pictures about us because it gives them hope that a GOOD MAN does exist, and that they will find their "Prince." I've received inbox messages for days to show you that not ALL women are hurt, or intimidated by another woman's happiness.
#4 If you think that women like myself who share certain details on their relationship on social networks is FAKE... so be it. Rest assure, ever flower, piece of jewelry or outfit I get from him is accepted with genuine love... To broadcast it or NOT is my choice. But it doesn't mean that the woman is not use to receiving things. It's just a choice of her being OPEN or not. I've had a few of my friends tell me that they enjoy seeing the things I get or give... because it gives them ideas of what they could get their boyfriend or husband. And some of my single friends have said it's taught them to believe that there are men out there willing to do nice things for them. So I definitely disagree...
#5 As far as a man being "taken" based off of the posting of his girlfriend's Facebook page is funny to me. It's about being confident in your relationship and trusting your partner. Females can try 24/7 to get his attention, but what we have is faith based, strong and SOLID. Only a weak man will accept the advances of another woman, when he knows what he has is TRUE, TRUSTWORTHY and fits the description of the woman he's always dreamed of... CONFIDENCE in what you have goes a long way. I'm not worried. *shrugs*
#6 To each his own. What people choose to do in their lives, or on their FB walls or Twitter pages, is a personal choice. You don't have to like it, or you can love it... You can turn your head, or you can LOOK. It really is that simple. But never ASSUME why someone is doing what they're doing... I've experienced a lot in my life (the verbally abusive, emotionally abusive, being used because I was too nice or naive) and flaunting my relationship is not what I'm doing. YOU DON'T KNOW MY STORY. OR MY WALK IN LIFE. OR WHY I'M SO DAMN HAPPY ABOUT FINDING MY TRUE LOVE. My intentions are to give hope and be proof that true love does still exists. And I've had plenty of friends to prove that my point is being taken the way I intended; in a positive manner. NOT NEGATIVELY OR TO HURT SOMEONE. I know what it's like to want love, desire love and feel like it's never going to come. I just chose to stay positive and celebrate my friends good fortune when they got engaged, started a new relationship, got married... instead of being jealous hearted or envious.
#7 Be mindful that on facebook and/or Twitter, you're dealing with MANY different personalities and characteristics... What you might see as drastic or over the top is just an "OPEN MINDED" person's way of expressing themselves. Not everyone feels that they have to be PRIVATE & "hush hush" about EVERY single aspect or detail of their life. Respect people for who they choose to be, and share about their life, even if you don't get it.
#8 At the end of the day. If you don't like like what someone is posting, or disagree with it... there's always the delete/block button. Make the choice NOT to see it. People are NOT going to change who they are, or what they post, just for YOU.
But the way you're viewing these women that are proud of their relationships is not the case for ALL OF US...
Just my two cents..."
Just my two cents..."
I had to get my point across. I'm not a cynical individual. And I refuse to let people make assumptions about me or any other man or woman who chooses to be elated, forthright and openly expressive about their relationship, friendship, partnership or any other "ship" in your life...
Before joining a social network, you have to be clear that you are opening yourself up to an audience of sorts. For friends and family to see what you're up to, for stalkers/enemies to dislike you even more (LOL) and for maybe even that individual that has a crush on you and is too scared to approach you in person. What you post can be viewed or taken in many different ways and you have to be aware of that. As long as you know the true intentions of your pictures, comments, status updates, and/or tweets it should not matter what others think.
I've had people tell me, "you post too much about your relationship online..." My inner thought says, "MIND YOUR OWN DAMN BUSINESS..." LOL! But my usual reply is, "I'm not ashamed to be OPENLY in love and could care less about what others (you) think. If you don't like it, or don't understand it, DELETE me" or like Oxford Dictionary's word of the year for 2009, UNFRIEND me (YES! It's a word in the dictionary now). People attempt to read way too deeply in the intentions or target of someone's posts, pictures, etc. on the internet. STOP IT. There's nothing wrong with creative expression or someone just being true to who they are.
But I do find it hard to watch individuals publicly defame or attack their husband, wife, significant other, ex-spouses, child's other parent, family members, friends, etc. online. For example: "My husband is such an inconsiderate ass, I don't even know why I married him" --- "My baby's daddy is a dead beat, and I wish I never messed around with him" --- (name) is such a bitch, our friendship sucked ANYWAY."
And how can we oversee the extremely negative, depressing, desperate and downtrodden status updates and posts about how BAD their life sucks and how no one loves them. Whether direct, indirect, or subliminal, defeatist or gloomy posts are usually shocking or painful to read. No one likes a "Debbie Downer"...
While I still say, be true to who you are and express how you truly feel. I personally refuse to allow my "audience" to see me down and out, angry or viewed in a negative light. To each his own... The majority of my "babbling" online is upbeat, positive, happy, random and full of wit or wisdom. I'm just baffled at the people who can see ALL of the negativity or hate trickling down their "newsfeed" or "timeline," BUT STILL pinpoint my trivial, just for fun, posts about my happy, love life! LOL! Something is truly wrong with that picture! *shrugs*
But the choice is yours! Post what you like... and we as your "friends" or "followers" have the option to read your thoughts or NOT. It really IS that simple... Stop worrying about what the next woman or man is posting and focus on your own social networking!!!
~JUST JEMIA :o)
