OK... so this is kind of a "spin off" from BLOG #13: "Is It Time To LET GO...?"This blog is for the people that have NOT just RECENTLY gotten out of a relationship/friendship, but for the people that are STILL DWELLING ON A PAST RELATIONSHIP or FRIENDSHIP that has BEEN OVER! For months, and in some cases YEARS! It is truly time to MOVE ON!
It might take a while to get over a situation but sooner or later , you have to move on with your life. Especially when the other party involved has made it very clear that they have moved on.
Why place yourself in a predicament where you seem delusional or a bit obsessed for STILL harping on a situation you should have moved on from a long time ago.
Continuing to dwell on what could have happened, should have happened or what would have happened had you done something different is only torturous to yourself in the end. Stop trying to discern if what you had was real, if the person lied to you or not, etc. THINGS HAPPENED EXACTLY THE WAY THEY WERE DESTINED TO. But it's up to you to finally accept that fact.
It's important to learn from the past but it's equally as important to not stay stuck in it.
After a break-up, you should realized that the relationship you had, has taught you that it wasn't a “failure.” The ended relationship should help you to define the type of partner you would really resonate with in the long run... What we've learned is that if a relationship didn't work out, it is not a bad thing or a failure, like our society likes to label it. It just may be that you have learned what it is that you were supposed to learn by being in a relationship with that other person and it's time to move on to other “lessons.”
What I'm saying is, is that the purpose of all relationships is to help us to grow. Even the relationships that are the most troubling to us can be gifts in learning more about ourselves. Those people who really get under our skin can be our best teachers. I suggest that you look at all of your relationships as growth experiences and move forward consciously by learning from them.
Stop making yourself look bitter and irrational by publicly defaming the person that you once shared a connection with. It makes you look silly and extremely immature. Being vengeful or vindictive will only make you look bad and backfire on you.
Learn to take 100% of the responsibility for the relationship that YOU CHOSE to be in.
When a relationship experiences challenges, very often we want to assign fault and blame. When you are in a healthy relationship with another person, both people are equally responsible for the relationship. If a relationship isn't working, the same thing applies. No matter who appears to be at fault when challenges come up, both people are responsible. If you take less than 100% responsibility for the relationship not working out, you are being a victim. You can only heal when you have let go of “fault” and “blame” and focus on letting go of the past and how you can do it differently in the future. This can be a very difficult process if you are hanging on to the need to be right, anger, judgments and unexpressed resentments -- especially if you feel your former partner hasn't or won't take any responsibility for the health of the past relationship.
But while you're busy dwelling on what happened, the other half of the past relationship has accepted you all's relationship for what it was and MOVED ON. While you're still crying, spiteful, angry and consumed with what went wrong, they're more than likely, out enjoying life and sharing new experiences with someone else.
Stop wasting you time thinking about someone who's no longer thinking of you anymore. You're only hurting yourself by lingering over something you cannot control in the end. And you'll never be able to have a new and successful relationship until you're able to LET GO of your past.
From my past break-ups, I have learned to give thanks for the lessons that I have learned, and I also had to learn how to change my attitude. As painful as it is to hear, the truth is that everything in your life (including your past relationships) is a result of the choices you have made up until now. If you don't like the circumstances in your life or relationships, decide to make other choices.
This could mean changing your attitude. It could mean opening up to bring new people into your life. It could mean deciding to be a better person in your next relationship.
If you are having challenges moving on from your previous relationship, I truly suggest you start by honoring that person as a teacher, that helped you to MOVE ON with your journey. Although my ex Michael (RIP) and I had a good relationship when we were together, I had to learn that things are they way they are with reason. We managed to be life long friends because I was able to understand and embrace the lessons I learned from him and ACCEPT it for what it was. THANK YOU MICHAEL, FOR ALL THAT YOU TAUGHT ME!!! When you find yourself feeling like the victim or blaming the other person, change those thoughts to being thankful for them helping you learn what you learned during the relationship. Sooner or later you will actually be able to give thanks for the lessons that that person taught you.
Just remember... While you're sitting at home, dwelling on the past, giving yourself a "pity party," thinking to yourself that life isn't fair and sitting at home, drinking alone... you're only wasting YOUR time. More than likely, the other party has moved on, accepted things for what they are, is living life to the fullest and toasting to the good things in life! *cheers!*
Shouldn't you be doing the same?
One of my favor sayings is, "it is what it is..."
OMG! PLEASE MOVE ON! ;)
~JUST JEMIA :o)
Shout out to my newest ANGEL in heaven, Michael T. Debose... You will definitely be missed! Our relationship taught me so much about life and the things that make me happy. I will always love you for that! I am thankful to GOD that we were able to get over our past issues and remain friends until your dying day. Without our relationship and the acceptance of MOVING ON, I would have never been able to be the woman that I am today for the man that I LOVE SO DEARLY! (Adrian) Thank you MICHAEL! R.I.P. December 26, 1979 - June 12, 2010
