Blog #15: OMG! Please MOVE ON! They have, you should too!

OK... so this is kind of a "spin off" from BLOG #13: "Is It Time To LET GO...?"

This blog is for the people that have NOT just RECENTLY gotten out of a relationship/friendship, but for the people that are STILL DWELLING ON A PAST RELATIONSHIP or FRIENDSHIP that has BEEN OVER! For months, and in some cases YEARS! It is truly time to MOVE ON!

It might take a while to get over a situation but sooner or later , you have to move on with your life. Especially when the other party involved has made it very clear that they have moved on.

Why place yourself in a predicament where you seem delusional or a bit obsessed for STILL harping on a situation you should have moved on from a long time ago.

Continuing to dwell on what could have happened, should have happened or what would have happened had you done something different is only torturous to yourself in the end. Stop trying to discern if what you had was real, if the person lied to you or not, etc. THINGS HAPPENED EXACTLY THE WAY THEY WERE DESTINED TO. But it's up to you to finally accept that fact.

It's important to learn from the past but it's equally as important to not stay stuck in it.

After a break-up, you should realized that the relationship you had, has taught you that it wasn't a “failure.” The ended relationship should help you to define the type of partner you would really resonate with in the long run... What we've learned is that if a relationship didn't work out, it is not a bad thing or a failure, like our society likes to label it. It just may be that you have learned what it is that you were supposed to learn by being in a relationship with that other person and it's time to move on to other “lessons.”

What I'm saying is, is that the purpose of all relationships is to help us to grow. Even the relationships that are the most troubling to us can be gifts in learning more about ourselves. Those people who really get under our skin can be our best teachers. I suggest that you look at all of your relationships as growth experiences and move forward consciously by learning from them.

Stop making yourself look bitter and irrational by publicly defaming the person that you once shared a connection with. It makes you look silly and extremely immature. Being vengeful or vindictive will only make you look bad and backfire on you.

Learn to take 100% of the responsibility for the relationship that YOU CHOSE to be in.

When a relationship experiences challenges, very often we want to assign fault and blame. When you are in a healthy relationship with another person, both people are equally responsible for the relationship. If a relationship isn't working, the same thing applies. No matter who appears to be at fault when challenges come up, both people are responsible. If you take less than 100% responsibility for the relationship not working out, you are being a victim. You can only heal when you have let go of “fault” and “blame” and focus on letting go of the past and how you can do it differently in the future. This can be a very difficult process if you are hanging on to the need to be right, anger, judgments and unexpressed resentments -- especially if you feel your former partner hasn't or won't take any responsibility for the health of the past relationship.

But while you're busy dwelling on what happened, the other half of the past relationship has accepted you all's relationship for what it was and MOVED ON. While you're still crying, spiteful, angry and consumed with what went wrong, they're more than likely, out enjoying life and sharing new experiences with someone else.

Stop wasting you time thinking about someone who's no longer thinking of you anymore. You're only hurting yourself by lingering over something you cannot control in the end. And you'll never be able to have a new and successful relationship until you're able to LET GO of your past.

From my past break-ups, I have learned to give thanks for the lessons that I have learned, and I also had to learn how to change my attitude. As painful as it is to hear, the truth is that everything in your life (including your past relationships) is a result of the choices you have made up until now. If you don't like the circumstances in your life or relationships, decide to make other choices.

This could mean changing your attitude. It could mean opening up to bring new people into your life. It could mean deciding to be a better person in your next relationship.

If you are having challenges moving on from your previous relationship, I truly suggest you start by honoring that person as a teacher, that helped you to MOVE ON with your journey. Although my ex Michael (RIP) and I had a good relationship when we were together, I had to learn that things are they way they are with reason. We managed to be life long friends because I was able to understand and embrace the lessons I learned from him and ACCEPT it for what it was. THANK YOU MICHAEL, FOR ALL THAT YOU TAUGHT ME!!! When you find yourself feeling like the victim or blaming the other person, change those thoughts to being thankful for them helping you learn what you learned during the relationship. Sooner or later you will actually be able to give thanks for the lessons that that person taught you.

Just remember... While you're sitting at home, dwelling on the past, giving yourself a "pity party," thinking to yourself that life isn't fair and sitting at home, drinking alone... you're only wasting YOUR time. More than likely, the other party has moved on, accepted things for what they are, is living life to the fullest and toasting to the good things in life! *cheers!*

Shouldn't you be doing the same?

One of my favor sayings is, "it is what it is..."

OMG! PLEASE MOVE ON! ;)

~JUST JEMIA :o)

Shout out to my newest ANGEL in heaven, Michael T. Debose... You will definitely be missed! Our relationship taught me so much about life and the things that make me happy. I will always love you for that! I am thankful to GOD that we were able to get over our past issues and remain friends until your dying day. Without our relationship and the acceptance of MOVING ON, I would have never been able to be the woman that I am today for the man that I LOVE SO DEARLY! (Adrian) Thank you MICHAEL! R.I.P. December 26, 1979 - June 12, 2010

Blog #14: Is Being Materialistic HELPING you or HARMING you???

The definition of someone labeled as materialistic is, "a person who is marked more concerned with material things than with spiritual, intellectual or cultural values..."

First let me start off by saying, there is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG with looking your best and wanting nice things...

But we all know someone that takes it to the next level. That friend that prides herself (or himself) on the shoes she wears, the purses she carries and the fact that she rarely ever wears things twice... They are CONSTANTLY shopping and buying stuff when their closet is already about to explode with things that she's already forgotten about. Sometimes this person prides herself on claiming that she "looks better than everyone else," some claim to be a "fashionista" or someone who lives and breathes fashion and some are just trying to keep up with someone else that has the same issues they do...

If any of the above describes you, you might be the exact kind of person I'm referring to... I personally know a few people like this and it makes me question their need to "OVER SHOP" or the fact that they're a "SHOPPING ADDICT."

I'm not talking about the person that occasionally shops, like 2-3 times a month or less... I'm talking about the person that's constantly shopping... everywhere they go, shopping, shopping, shopping and when they're at home, they head straight to the laptop for some online, retail therapy.

Even if you have the finances to do so and you're not running up a credit card bill like most out there... there is still something these people are compensating for at the end of the day.

As a society we use material possessions to value ourselves. Thus it breeds discontent and unhappiness because we are constantly wanting the newest fashions, etc. What causes you to want material possessions?

Dr. Tim Kasser, a psychology professor, has researched materialism and wrote a book called "The

High Price of Materialism." "Kasser argues that a materialistic orientation toward the world contributes to low self-esteem, depression, anti-social behavior, divorce, various forms of abuse and even a greater tendency to get "headaches, backaches, sore muscles, and sore throats." This very short book demonstrates the truth of the proverb, 'Money does not buy happiness.' Author, Tim Kasser cites numerous studies as he makes a compelling case that materialists are lonely, narcissistic, hampered in relationships, compulsive, insecure and disconsolate.

What do you think about Dr. Kasser's take on materialism?

Can being materialistic hurt your dating life? I randomly asked about 9 of my friends this question and many of them came to the same conclusion. YES. Materialism CAN hurt your dating life or a current relationship. The men said that they like a woman that's into keeping herself up, but some women over do it. Some women are so focused on the latest fashions, the newest shoes and keeping up with her girlfriends, that these items end up being more important than the relationship itself. Watch out ladies... some of you may not even realize it, but your shopping habit could be the reason you're single or your relationships don't last long. So many men see being materialistic, SCREAMS that you're high maintenance. And to most men, that's a turn off. They can visualize they're wallets emptying faster than the relationship can even grow... and they're GONE. They rather be with the girl that's attractive, but cares more about spending time to get to know each other, than shopping all day... Shopping addicts, I hope those new pair of shoes, and that "fly" new top, can hug and love you back because it seems like your closet is hotter and getting more action than your bedroom... Not a good look!

Some of the ladies I talked to about men who were materialistic seemed just as turned off. They said that it's nothing wrong with a man having and wanting nice things. But some men take it too far with bragging about their new tailored suit or where they purchase their "top of the line" clothing from. Men, be mindful about these things. If you like nice things and love to turn the ladies heads, "silence is GOLDEN!" Blow the ladies minds without telling them how much your new Rolex cost you. Price dropping is TACKY!

Are you a victim of "Keeping up with the Joneses'?" Are you the person that is constantly trying to see what your friends or your arch enemy is wearing so that you can find something better? Only thing I have to say about this is, if you're doing this, you need to stop and check your self-esteem. I have friends with million dollar homes and friends that are a step away from living in poverty... I love them for WHO they are and not WHAT they have... I would never subject myself to people that I felt like I had to keep up with materialistically. If someone is ridiculing you for not having the latest and greatest... they're not your friend. Real friends won't care about what you have or lack in your life. So your attempt to "keep up with the Joneses'..." only makes you look silly at the end of the day. And you can only kick YOURSELF in the butt when the credit card bill comes rolling in...

Are you raising your child/children to be materialistic? Many parents are bringing up their children in a very materialistic way. Money isn't everything. Similarly, there are some things money can't buy. Why are we adapting to a 'money-minded' mentality? Parents should learn to teach their children not to be materialistic and always expect the best of everything. Children of the 21st century are, unfortunately, sometimes succumbing to peer pressure and getting rid of their good values and habits, which leads parents to a whole lot of worry and confusion. Children, particularly teenagers, should learn to exercise caution and practicality in buying things, whether it be from a high-end boutique or a simple shoe outlet. If you commence raising your child with the views that only certain brand names are acceptable and that some brands are "cheap" or socially unacceptable, you can only be mad at yourself when you're breaking down and buying ridiculously expensive items to keep your child happy.

Materialism can be viewed in many different lights, but is it HELPING or HARMING your current lifestyle?

My significant other and I frequently discuss people's needs for material items. We find that it's OK to treat yourself and to have nice things, but when you're being EXTREMELY EXCESSIVE with your purchases, there's a disconnect there. We pride ourselves on looking good, but also realizing that valuing things that you can't buy with money, such as love, trust and communication is far more important. It's always good to have money and the things that money can buy, but it's even better to make sure that you take care of, and don't lose the things that money CAN'T buy...

Just something to think about...

~JUST JEMIA :o)

“If you want to feel rich, just count the things you have that money can't buy” ~unknown

Blog #13: When Is It Time To LET GO...?

Lately I've noticed that many people (friends & family) are in the early, mid or later phase of preparing to "LET GO." Is letting go of someone that you've dated, fallen in love with or spent a lot of time with easier said than done? How do you know when it's time to let go and look for love somewhere else?

Regardless of the situation, learning to let go of what's over is often a very difficult thing to do and the hurt can often last for years if a person simply won't break the hold. When love is found, one naturally wants to believe it will last forever. And it's great when it does. But when it doesn't, the hurt and pain can be devastating. But even more devastating can be the pain and suffering the person experiences from not letting go of what's gone and moving on with living. Turning off feelings for someone isn't like turning off a light switch. When a relationship ends, it doesn't mean the feelings disappear or go away. Being left alone with feelings of emptiness, loneliness, anger, grief, rejection, and despair can prove to be overwhelming.

In my past experiences from dating, I always looked at each "date" and prospective partner as an "outfit"... You have to be confident in your morals, values and decision making while dating. Every guy I met was new and unfamiliar and it was up to me to see if he was the "perfect fit." Dating is like trying on clothing. You have to "try it on" (i.e. spend time with, get to know and decide if it's a good "fit" or not) to see if it actually is a compatible situation. So many people out there force themselves to "fit" with someone, and that's when the problems start. For example you might wear a "size 10," but the guy you like is a "size 4" don't try to FORCE or MANIPULATE the situation and "SQUEEZE" into something that DOES NOT "FIT," and is going to fail down the road ANYWAY.

There are so many different scenarios where LETTING GO is required:

1. If you're "the other woman" who's waiting for a man to leave his lover, don't waste your time. "If he'll do it with you, he'll do it to you." The man you want lacks integrity and can't make a commitment.

2. Are your standards too low? Are you waiting around for a man/woman that's let you down time and again: "What is it about you that causes you to settle for somebody that you know will cheat on you, know will lie to you, know will make a commitment and then break it? What is it about you that you believe about yourself that you're willing to settle for that?" Recognize that you're settling and that you deserve more. Set a higher standard for yourself.

3. Does he/she really even make you happy? Be honest with yourself about the extent to which this person is really meeting your needs. Chances are you're longing for the relationship that you wish it could be, and that you want to be in love with the person you wish he/she was. There are times when you break up with somebody and you start missing them and you start thinking about all the good things. And then you're back with them for about 10 minutes and you go 'Oh yeah! Now I remember why I left you!'" Don't kid yourself about what it was really like or glorify the past. Never get caught up in feeling sorry for someone that HURT YOU.

4. Don't wait around because you think he's going to change. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior, so the chance that he's going to ride in on his white horse and do the right thing is pretty slim.

5. Don't put your life on hold. Every minute you spend focusing on your ex is a minute that's holding you back from a better future. As long you are obsessed with this someone, you will never put your heart, soul and mind into getting your life in order and starting another relationship if you want one. Set some goals and start putting your life back together.

6. Are you hiding in the relationship so you don't have to face the reality of being on your own? Don't stay with someone because it's comfortable and safe. It may seem more secure, but it's not healthy for you and it certainly won't help you get to a better place. Why would you want to settle and waste your life away just to avoid getting back in the game?

7. Be very clear with the person you're LETTING GO. Get out of my life. Stay away from me. Don't call me. If you live together, it's time to move out, or you may need to change your phone number. Do what you have to do to MOVE FORWARD.

8. Don't hold all new "prospects" responsible for the mistake your ex made. Why should he/she pay for the sins of someone else who may have wronged you?

9. Learn to trust again — by trusting yourself. Trust is not about how much you trust one person or another to do right or wrong. "How much you trust another person is a function of how much you trust yourself to be strong enough to deal with their imperfections." Have enough faith in yourself to be able to put yourself on the line with someone, without any guarantee of what will happen next. If you're nervous to get out there again, it's because you're afraid of what you can or can't do, or dealing with your own imperfections — it's not about the other person.

10. Don't invest more than you can afford to lose. While it's important to move forward, you need to take things one step at a time. Don't put so much out there that you'll be emotionally bankrupt if things go south. BE PATIENT. TAKE YOUR TIME.

11. Don't beat yourself up. You got through your last experience, you've learned from it, and now it's time to move forward. You'll move on and be a champion in your next endeavor as you did in your past... Life is not a success-only journey. You are going to get beat up along the way. ACCEPT THAT AND LIVE LIFE!

You have to be true to yourself about what you can and cannot deal with when it comes down to a partner. Some believe that this "perfect" person that they daydream about truly exists. The male or female with the perfect career, education, family background & physical attributes. And maybe there is a list of things that is viewed as a "turn off" like, someone who didn't finish school, has kids (with enough drama involved to make anyone crazy), they smoke, they don't have an idealistic job of your choice, or don't make the kind of money your preferred. STOP analyzing other people's situations and FOCUS ON YOURSELF. All of us come into relationships with baggage, but you need to have closure on past experiences before you can start a new relationship with the odds in your favor. Regardless of the kind of person you see or don't see yourself involved with, the truth is, it's COMPLETELY our of your hands. Until you get closure, you will never come into a relationship with a fresh and clean heart, mind, expectancy and attitude. You're probably not ready to get into another relationship until you heal the wounds of your past.

Know that you will get hurt if you're in a relationship. There is no perfect person without flaws. Even a well-intended guy is going to hurt his partner. He's going to hurt your feelings. He's going to say things that you don't want him to say. He's going to do things you wish he wouldn't do and not do things you wish he would do. A relationship is an imperfect union between two willing spirits who say, ''I'd rather be in a relationship and share my life, share my joys, share my fun, share my activities, share my life than do it alone." If you want to be in a relationship, know that getting hurt comes with the territory. You just have to decide that you are durable enough, that you have enough confidence in yourself that you can handle it.

In a nutshell, I'll put it like this. When you're dating, focus on time and learned lessons from past experiences. If you "try him on" and HE DOESN'T FIT... MOVE ON. Don't waste his time or yours. Learn from all of your mistakes and the people that you allowed to break your spirit or hurt your heart. Free yourself from all insecurities so that you can move forward and have a successful relationship when the "RIGHT" person FINALLY comes along.

Don't be the broken, bruised and scorned individual that has all of the potential in the world to find happiness. But runs potential partners off with nothing but negativity from your past.

The quicker you learn to LET GO, when you know in your heart, it just isn't right... You will save yourself A LOT of heartache and frustration.

Prince or Princess "charming" is out there searching for you. But you have to get your mind, body, heart and spirit in the right place to receive the love. And also face the reality that "THE ONE" for you may not be anything like you'd ever imagined. He or she might not come with the body like a "God" or the "cash-flow" you dreamt of... but that's OK. Don't be shallow. Open your mind to new things and live for love!

God knows EXACTLY what he's doing. Just be still and TRUST.

But first you have to...

LET GO.

LET GO.

LET GO.

~JUST JEMIA :o)

"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past." Isaiah 43:18 (One of my favorite BIBLE verses)

BLOG #12: When Did Lent (Fasting) Become "TRENDY???"

So it's Day 2 of Lent and I've been noticing people on social networks proclaiming what they are giving up for lent this year... I'm not really sure how I feel about it, so I posted this status (Thanks Tami) to get other people's responses.

"LENT shouldn't be TRENDY. I mean seriously. It defeats the purpose... Is anything PERSONAL or SACRED anymore??? ijs. :-/"

Some of the comments to my status were:

"I approve of this status!" -I.J.

"Lent is something between you and your GOD!!! You don't have to broadcast it.. I mean it's ok with a certain friend or somethng and ya'll decide to do it together... but know you're reasoning for doing it... Know what Lent means... don't just make it a TREND like you said!!!! Everybody is broadcasting it all on facebook.. That just lets me know that they DON'T KNOW the significance behind it!!!!" -P.M.

"Do you think that some of that announce that they are observing Lent are trying to explain the significance of it?" -L.W.

"I have been doing this since a child! But do not throw stones at the one that shares with the world. Whatever I do I scream from the mountain tops. No shame in my game! If people appreciate a little support from their fellow man or woman, well I see no wrong in that!" -G.B.

My response to my friends were:

"Man! I think I might give up sex or alcohol! what do you think you're gonna do??" Or "Hey! what are you giving up for lent this time?! Girl, I don't know! I think I'm going to do something small this year like fried foods... I don't eat much fried food anyway... you should give up men. LOL!" OR "I'm giving up the female body for lent..."

@ L.W.... I don't think those are explaining the significance of anything...

@ G.B. feel free to do as you please... I'm not judging... but the statements above are clearly for "attention" or not taking the purpose of lent (fasting) seriously...

I've witnessed people on Facebook and other social networks, talking about it like a "trendy" matter... like "are you going to the party?! Girl what you are you wearing???"

Teaching, educating and sharing information with fellow Christians in one thing... but blasting it to the world on the world wide web (www) like it's "so cool" and "look at me..." I cannot gain an understanding of it's purpose.... OR RESPECT IT.

I just believe in the words of the bible... and the scripture below is proof...

16"When you fast, do not look somber as the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show men they are fasting. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. 17But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, 18so that it will not be obvious to men that you are fasting, but only to your Father, who is unseen; and your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.

Matthew 6:16-18

Lent (fasting) is a season of soul-searching and repentance between man and GOD. It is a season for reflection and taking stock. Lent originated in the very earliest days of the Church as a preparatory time for Easter, when the faithful rededicated themselves and when converts were instructed in the faith and prepared for baptism. By observing the forty days of Lent, the individual Christian imitates Jesus’ withdrawal into the wilderness for forty days.

Should your personal experience for Lent be publicized all over the internet? Or should it be view as a sacred & personal "sacrifice" between you and GOD?

What is YOUR view on this topic?

~JUST JEMIA :o)

BLOG #11: MIND OVER MATTER: FOR LOVE OR MONEY?

It's 2:11am and I can't really sleep. So I figured I'd BLOG on a topic that's been on my mind for quite some time now.

FOR LOVE OR MONEY???

It's 2010 and we live in a world where both men and WOMEN live a life of instantaneity, dream of being abundantly wealthy, aim high to become successful and want the "perfect" mate to go along with it all.

Now we all know, EVERYONE can't be WEALTHY, some will fail at goals in life, and others will struggle their ENTIRE life, trying to find that SPECIAL SOMEONE.

But why is the struggle so hard? Today you see so many people that seek out the WRONG things in a partner. While men do have a say in who they choose to be with, it's the WOMAN that has to agree and permit a man to pursue a relationship with her...

MONEY vs. LOVE

I personally know of SO MANY young ladies out there that are looking for a man with money to fall in love with. To take care of her, pay her bills, take her on vacations, get her the things she needs and wants, etc. The man with money is a STABLE PROVIDER. Is he really?

In my opinion, relationships with ulterior motives, such as money, usually don't work out... and if they do last, you can rest assure that someone in the relationship is miserable with themselves, their partner and is only in the relationship for the STABILITY. What happened to happiness?! Are you that hung up on material things, you would CHOOSE to put yourself in a scenario where your happiness was irrelevant, but the latest handbag, designer label or car is RELEVANT?! If you answered yes to that... I suggest you get down on your knees right now and PRAY.

Some of you out there really believe that MONEY can buy you LOVE & HAPPINESS. Just know that that kind of love & happiness is TEMPORARY and ARTIFICIAL. It will be short-lived.

I grew up believing that "MONEY CAN'T BUY YOU LOVE" & "For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs." (1 Timothy 6:10)

I personally have chosen LOVE over money in my relationship... What's the point of a WEALTHY, but loveless relationship/marriage? My boyfriend and I may not be the "RICHEST" people on this earth, but we are "RICH" in LOVE, LAUGHTER & COMPANIONSHIP. With our love, support and understanding, we are in tact with one another's goals and ambitions for our life as individuals and as a couple. I personally would prefer a relationship that's built on nothing BUT love, when love was all we had... But with real love, a plethora of positive scenarios can evolve from the "roots" of a strong love.

We might not be financially where we want and/or plan to be at this very moment, but with the connection that we share, I have NO DOUBTS, that one day, we will look back at our journey together and appreciate the "wealth" (i.e., a beautiful home, a wonderful family together, financial stability and success within our careers) that we will share. Love built on those principles can only bring you HAPPINESS and STRENGTH through the hard times.

Would you date/marry for money?

I've heard women make statements like,"If I marry for money, I'll get everything I've ever wanted and then I'll be happy!" "If I ever get divorced, the next man I marry, will be for money!" "All I need is money to make me happy!" ARE THEY SERIOUS?!! Last time I checked, a hundred dollar bill didn't have arms to hug you, lips to kiss you when you need loving, etc... Where have we gone WRONG as a society to think that a multitude of MONEY will just MAGICALLY solve all of our problems.

I do believe that you can have the best of both worlds in LOVE & MONEY... but a VERY small percent of women have been able to find a wealthy man to truly love them for who they are. Most rich men that I've come across or know other people that are married to them have all kinds of issues, just like the next relationship, wealthy or not. It's rare to find one that truly values the vows shared between them, one that is being faithful in the relationship/marriage, or isn't "married" to HIS MONEY and that isn't "power-tripping" due to his wealth... I've seen it all...

Some women want MATERIAL things for the sake of saying they have it and will sacrifice their days and life with a man they can't connect with, communicate with or understand. All for the sake of HAVING STUFF... It's such a SAD SIGHT... Some of these women can't figure out why the "not so popular" girl at their job, who wears the same shabby clothes every week, seems so happy and in love with her significant other. She's obviously learned the simpler things in life are much more important. While you're successful, educated, accomplished, have every material possession any woman could want... but you find it hard to genuinely SMILE everyday??? Hmph...

Hypothetically, I'd rather be with my man, splitting a #1 from McDonald's for dinner because that's all we have enough money for at that time... BUT I KNOW that he LOVES me, VALUES and CHERISHES the woman that he's with, with every ounce of his being. With SOLID LOVE like this, there is NO LIMIT to the HAPPINESS AND WEALTH that you all can pursue together.

My suggestion is, don't waste your time with unrealistic goals, such as finding a RICH MAN. Instead, set your heart on finding a man that will love you, respect you, listen to you, be there for you, make a great effort to understand you and someone who's your best friend and lover, wrapped all up in one GOOD MAN... he's out there... You have to BELIEVE to RECEIVE! BE PATIENT!

What's your take on this topic? Is MONEY really more valuable than LOVE? Or is TRUE LOVE worth having versus the MATERIAL things in life?

In my opinion, I couldn't sum it up better than this...

"The good life is inspired by love and guided by knowledge." (It has NOTHING to do with money)...

~JUST JEMIA :o)

To the man that has made me "RICH" in LOVE. There's no obstacle that we can't overcome together... I love you ACS :)

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)

BLOG #10: From The Thoughts of My Dear Friend, Alethia -- "YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN THAT!"

***While I will very rarely post the words of someone else on my blog, I felt that this was worth reading! My long time friend, Alethia Johnson, posted a very powerful note on Facebook, and I feel that so many WOMEN (and men) need to read this. So with her permission, she agreed to let me share her thoughts with you. Enjoy.***

"I was riding in the car with my sister on Sunday and we got on the subject of dating. One thing she and I both agreed on is that a lot of women compromise to be with a man. Webster defines compromise as to make a deal where someone gives up part of, or all of its demands. Another definition I found says to put in jeopardy. Some synonyms are cop out, discredit, dishonor, embarrass, endanger, give in, ruin, sell out and weaken. Compromise can be something positive or something negative. Right now, I’m focusing on the negative part.

As I read and study the word of God I read about different stories about compromise. One in particularly is where Esau sells his birthright for some food. He comprised a lot all for some red stew. Was it really worth it? Jacob his brother knew the worth of his birthright and tricked him into giving it up. That is what is going on in the world today. A lot of men know the worth of us ladies, but the sad part is we don’t know our own worth.

I’m sure a lot of us have often quoted Proverbs 31 (The VIRTUOUS WOMAN). We know it backwards and forwards but, are we really living that? I see so many women willing to give up sooo much just to be with a man. I have heard things like a piece of a man is better than no man at all. That is so not true. Ladies we do not have to settle to have a man. We should have some standards and demands when it comes to dating. If that is truly the man that God has for you then you won’t have to settle or compromise. We compromise what we believe in and a whole lot more.

Don’t put your life in jeopardy. If you say you are not having sex until you are married then mean that. Don’t let anybody tell you that will never happen or there is no man out there who is willing to wait until you are married. If a man tells you that PLEASE RUN!!!!! Ok, I will put myself on blast. I am celibate. I have made up in my mind, heart and soul that I am not having sex until I am married. I will not allow men to talk to me any kind of way. I don’t use profanity and neither will the person I am with. He will respect me but more so the God in me. I have stopped talking to so many guys because they wanted me to compromise. I dare not do it. I have had a guy to even tell me you want somebody who is perfect and you will never find him. No, I am not looking for a perfect man just the perfect one for me.

A lot of the times when we compromise on the things we want we become upset and unhappy. I promise you if it really is the man for you, there is nothing you will have to compromise that goes against your beliefs. Women please set some standards and rules when it comes to dating. Why do you settle for a married man? What can he offer you? Not only that but you are making it hard on yourself. You are committing adultery. Please, a man is not worth that. If a man is married LEAVE HIM ALONE!!!! Just because he does not respect the sanctity of his marriage does not mean you can’t. Be the bigger person. If a man lays hands on you to cause you bodily harm then PLEASE let him go. No man should ever lay hands on you to cause you any harm. His threats are nothing. There is too much domestic violence going in the world and you don’t have to be a part of it.

If you can’t do it alone seek help. Don’t let a man talk down to you. You are beautiful; you are fearfully and wonderfully made by God. If he can’t pray and praise God with you then let him go. If a man does not love God then he will never be able to love you how you should be loved. Ok, again I will put myself out there. When I was younger I would be embarrassed to praise God around a guy I was dating. Now that I look back on it, I was compromising. That was dumb on my part. Now, if you can’t pray with me, praise God with/for me or we can’t study the word of God together then….Next!!!! That’s just me.

I love the Lord with all my heart and soul. One of the most intimate things you can do with your mate is pray. When you pray you undress your soul before God. Ladies, I admonish you to please re-evaluate the relationships you are in. If you are in it for the wrong reasons please let it go. If you are with someone just to say you have a man it’s not worth it. If you have compromised things to be with the man you are with, let it go. If you say you are in a relationship but he only calls you “friend” let it go. If he is not challenging you to be better, let it go.

When a man finds a good thing he knows it. He knows what you are worth but do you? It is time for us to stop quoting proverbs 31 and start to live it. Put God first then everything else will line up. Make him the head of your life. Think about this, when you have a headache it makes it hard to do something’s. If the head is not right then nothing else will be right. Make God the head. Stop trying to go after a man and let him come after you. You don’t need a man to make it in the world. You don’t need a man to pay your bills, wash your car, buy you groceries, take you shopping, or take you on vacations. God gave you two feet and two hands. Put them to work. Get those things for yourself. When a man is looking for a wife he is looking for a “HELP”-mate not a “NEEDY”-mate. It’s time to raise the standards. Stand for whatever you believe in and don’t compromise. You are worth more than that!!!!!!!" -Alethia J.

I hope that this message touched you,

as it did me. God bless!

~JUST JEMIA :o)